vindication

[autumnsoliloquy90]

One of the good things about getting the Oxford thing is that sweet feeling of vindication. All those bitches who have along the way underestimated my capabilities because of my accent, race, skin colour or whatever, well bitches take that. It's definitely a self-confidence boost. I've come a long way. This blog would have seen all my nervous breakdowns from day one, feeling lost and out of place, feeling inadequate even after Physikum, feeling totally shit in general. Now I'm ok. I'm finally okay.

Well I guess even though I've been given a great opportunity, I need to truly earn the right to dream. Sometimes I still get intimidated about the idea of going there, meeting people who are super confident of their abilities, who've been told all their lives they're noblesse oblige, that they deserve to be there. Total opposite of me, basically. But till then, I have enough time to convince myself that despite everything that has been told to me about me, subversively or overtly by society, media, etc. -- that I deserve this. Fuck yeah I worked hard for this so I fucking deserve it.

Things haven't been easy till now but this is the silver lining I've been waiting for a long long time.

I told you I'll get shit done, didn't I?